The absolute laws of marriage among dwarrowfolk are: 1) the bride must be at least 65, and the groom 75 and 2) either dwarf or dam must be the instigators of both courtship, betrothal and marriage. Absolutely no marriage is arranged, and no coercion down by either family to force the union is permitted. Any violation of this is a crime to which the accused must answer directly to the king, or to his highest subordinate in settlements owing fealty to a non-present monarch.
Dwarrowdams have a great deal of freedom in choosing whom and if to wed, with few exceptions. Societal pressure may prevent a dam of high birth uniting herself with one of low, and it is absolutely anathema for a dam to marry a non-dwarf, though on occasion a dwarf male may marry a woman (or hobbit). If a dam wishes to marry, she tends to have many options; given their rarity (even at the best of times there is one dam for every two male dwarfs), dams are often courted even before they come of age, but a proposal comes only from a dam; and if her chosen dwarf rejects her, she remains single for the rest of her life.
Even so, courtship is generally speaking a male-initiated affair. A dam may begin courtship, but this is rarely done -- a dam is more likely to propose without a courtship period than to initiate one. Courtship is typically begun by the offering of a gift to the dam: this gift need not be costly, but should be thoughtful and unique in some way, often made by the giver’s own hands. Throughout courtship, the dwarf continues to give gifts (normally small) to show off their Craft, increasing understanding/appreciation of the other, and what they can offer to a marriage. Accepting a gift does not imply any commitment on part of the dam; she may receive gifts from a dwarf she dislikes, or from several dwarves at once, without censure. She is not, however, to mislead a dwarf about her feelings in the hopes of gaining more gifts, or to demand more in exchange for her favor. Courtship has no set time limits or an abundance of rituals attached to it. If a dam engages in a series of long courtships, or has several long courtships at the same time, her peers will generally suspect that she is engaging in “dishonest dealings” with her suitors. As in most things dealing with dams, societal pressure acts as an influence more than set tradition or written law.
Dams usually propose in public, as if she is successful, she will wish to be considered betrothed as soon as possible, a state that is achieved once three witnesses can attest to their betrothed status, either by witnessing the proposal and acceptance or being told of it by the couple together (and they must be together -- it is not at all binding evidence for dwarf or dam to tell a witness without the other being present).
Betrothals in dwarrow culture are typically of some duration, even in cases where both families approve of the match. The fathers of both bride and groom, host a joint dinner to celebrate the betrothal no more than a week after the proposal and acceptance, and the next day the Heads of the families meet to begin negotiations on the yasath'khajamu, or bride-price. This is a gift offered to the bride by the groom, signifying both his gratitude for her regard and his promise to care for her and any children they may have; the size of the gift is determined by custom, in relation to his profession and his status within, his social status, as well has her craft, professional status, and social status. The Letterers’ Guild sells charts helping dwarrow families determine the appropriate amounts, but often the final amount is the result of months of negotiations. When the final amount is agreed upon, in a formal ceremony witnessed and notarized by at least three scribes not affiliated with either family, the groom has one week to deposit the yasath'khajamu into the bride’s father’s keeping. The bride must be away when it is delivered, or sequestered away, as she is not to see her yasath'khajamu until the wedding ceremony. A week after that, to allow time for the gift to be carefully counted and recorded, the wedding can take place.
Marriages are traditionally held at night. The groom will depart his halls alone, hair unbraided, dressed in clothing, weapons, and gems exemplifying his Craft, strength, wealth, and all he has to offer to his bride. As he walks along, family and friends will meet with him, holding crystal lanterns, as will members of the public who wish to take part in the celebration, until a veritable parade escorts him to the halls of his intended’s family. All but the groom remain outside. The husband-to-be enters alone, going to the private family sitting room all halls have, where the bride and her close kin await him. In contrast to the groom, the bride wears little jewelry -- either none at all, or a tiara gifted by the groom in cases of noble/royal weddings. Her family, however, is dressed in all their finery and have donned the symbols of their status, craft, and martial strength (if applicable).
The wedding ceremonies themselves are actually incredibly private affairs, with only the bride’s nearest kin (parents and siblings, perhaps a particularly close uncle/aunt or cousin) present. The father stands with his daughter before their family hearth, and, once the groom reaches the threshold of the room, asks Mahal to come in witness of the union. Then he gestures to invite the groom over the threshold and towards the hearth.
When the groom reaches the hearth and taken the bride’s hands in his, the bride’s father turns to her and asks the bride seven times:
“With ____, a Father of our People, as witness, do you freely, truly, and ardently wish to bind your fate together with this dwarf, from now until the remaking of the world?”
(each time invoking the name of a different Father of the Dwarf, in order of seniority, save that the Father of the bride’s clan jumps ahead of Durin, if she is not a Longbeard).
In response, she vows, “yes, by my honor and my life” -- also seven times. Her father then turns to the groom, asking him the same series of questions and receiving the same response each time. After this, the father announces his daughter’s true name to her spouse, and he in return confides (in much lower tones) his true name to her alone. The yasath'khajamu (or a symbolic portion of it, if it is quite large) is handed from the father to the bride. The groom and bride then weave a marriage braid into each other’s hair (beneath the left ear, pointing down towards the heart). Another part of the yasath'khajamu, a choker or necklace, is then handed to the groom, who secures it around his wife’s neck.
After the hair has been braided and the necklace fastened, the bride’s father leads the couple out of his halls, and proclaims them as married to the waiting assembly, to be greeted with a cheer. Traditionally, the wedding is followed by a procession, made up of of the couple and family, friends and public who remained outside during the ceremony (her parents and close kin, who witnessed the ceremony, remain behind), to the home the husband has prepared for the bride. These usually begin serious and solemn, but rarely reach the husband’s home in such a tone, as the songs wishing blessings and happiness change to those wishing fertility and luck. The bride-price also accompanies the couple, carried behind them in a hand-cart (or carts) pulled by servants or hired hands, to be displayed for the only time in the couple’s marriage. After it has been safely deposited in the new couple’s treasury, it can not even be touched by anyone save the wife without her express permission, not even her husband.
Once reaching the new home, and ensconcing the couple and bride-gift inside, the revealers leave, to depart for the halls of family and friends of the newly wedded pair. Parties then begin in earnest, as they toast the absent couple and send them the goodwill believed to give them a happy wedding night and happy marriage: these are much less formal than the preceding ceremonies, and get less so as the night goes on. These parties continue, going from house to house, for three days, the last of which is at the home of the newly married couple, beginning on the fourth morning, in which they partake in the merriment and teasing of their friends and family. If the family is of some social significance, this private merriment is followed, on the fifth day, with a public celebration in a public space (often a rented Guildhall or some similar space) lasting anywhere from one to three days (royal weddings’ public celebrations lasting four days, making the wedding ceremonies eight days long -- all others are limited to seven). In the cases of royal males’ weddings, the ninth day sees the crowning of the new princess/queen.
In extreme cases, in which one or both families refuse to approve the match, the betrothed couple may ignore their kin’s role in the proceedings. A dwarf may negotiate directly with his soon-to-be father in law on the bride-price, if his father or Head of family will not do so for him. If the dam’s family refuses to participate at all, or three times rejects the bride-price (in an attempt to delay, hopefully permanently, the marriage) then there is no further negotiations over the b.p; rather, the couple is considered wed if she: 1) remains one night unattended in his halls, and 2) remains there the next morning, greeting visitors as the mistress of the home. This method of marriage, while valid, is considered scandalous if seen as mere impatience on the part of the couple; typically, couples wait three years or more before taking such a step. Most families, particularly the bride’s, do give in eventually, especially as failing to ensure a daughter the best bride-price possible is a real mark of shame on a father, and a dam has the right to refuse access to her children to any family seen as hindering their conception: such as relatives who tried too long to prevent the marriage.
Dwarves are stubborn and hard-headed, as even they admit, and marriages are frequently uneasy. Divorce is impossible in dwarrow culture, but separations are not unheard of, and are in fact governed by a mix of custom and laws. In the case of separations involving non-adult children, an impartial judge must step in to oversee the situation. The distinction mainly is that separated dwarrow are not free to remarry.