Homosexuality was removed from the DSM-II in 1973, the same year Tolkien died. So, it is fair to say that for his entire adult life, most of the general public and professional psychologists considered homosexuality to be a disease. There were (obviously) exceptions, notably Kinsey, and there was a reason it was removed (in no small part due to activism demanding it be so). But, it was listed in versions I and II of the Diagnostical and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as a pathology by the American Psychiatric Association. Regardless of whether or not it was considered a disease, it definitely is and was considered sinful and disordered to act on homosexual impulses. I am hardly suggesting that we take overly biased researchers from the 1950's seriously. I do think it is important to maintain some awareness of historical context, though, and not just in an 'everything before 1990 was garbage' way. Based on how Tolkien wrote about elves, I could see them considering homosexual desire to be disordered in the same manner that attraction to a close family member (incest) was disordered. Would audiences like that? No, of course not. But that doesn't mean the elves wouldn't behave that way.
For anyone who is unfamiliar with the history, there is this overview:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4695779/
As for some of the questions you've raised.... Marriage is, at its heart, the basis of the family unit, and thus the building block of society. Not all married couples have children, and not all children are raised by their biological parents. But one of the main purposes of marriage (from the point of view of a society) is to provide a stable environment for the rearing of children. Now, in our own society, gay couples can be together without being married (just as straight couples can), and many couples (both married and unmarried, gay and straight) participate in childrearing. Many gay couples have children because one or both of the partners has children from a previous relationship, and of course gay couples can adopt, and many have been quite generous in their willingness to adopt children with disabilities who are in need of a great deal of care. One can certainly make the argument (and in fact, the argument was made before the US Supreme Court when gay marriage was legalized) that recognizing marriages between same-sex couples contributes to providing stable homes for children in our nation.
It is more difficult to translate this argument to elvish culture. Elves do not have serial relationships (with the exception of Finwë). Thus, no elf would have children from a prior relationship. If an elf were in a homosexual relationship, that would be their first and only relationship. So, any such relationship would automatically mean no children for those individuals. Now, could they adopt and raise others' children? Certainly, in war time, there would be orphans, so that is something that could happen. Annael raises Tuor, whose parents both died in his infancy. We never hear that Annael had a wife, do we? My comment about 'more appropriate in a post-apocalyptic cultural break down situation' had to do with the fluidity of relationships rather than the permanence of marriage. Storylines in which couples get together and break up frequently, in part fueled by the high death rate of difficult circumstances, are stories in which marriage doesn't have a lot of meaning. Survival requires making and breaking bonds as necessary. Even in a culture which does recognize marriage as rather important, such a disaster bends the rules. A lot. Thus, teenaged Margery Tyrell was on her third marriage in Game of Thrones and had yet to consummate any of them, because despite being married to the king of Westeros, her third husband was just a child. Elves...obviously wouldn't do that.
Obviously plenty of people get married and never have or raise kids. I'm not suggesting that marriages don't count if there's no kids. What I am saying is that a society's understanding of marriage tends to be strongly tied to that society's understanding of childrearing. And so...what impetus would an elvish society have for recognizing a homosexual union? Sure, if it happens, and they are surprised, they could take it in stride. But...we're talking about a very stable culture for which nothing changes for a large chunk of time. They would methodically debate the issue and reach some understanding of what that marriage means for them. And so...what would their conclusion be? And it would have to be consistent with their strict understandings of monogamy, as well as marital fidelity and perpetuity. I wasn't suggesting that they can't accept it, but rather that it is possible that they wouldn't. The idea of denying yourself something that is unlawful would probably seem perfectly fair to the elves.
For anyone who is unfamiliar with the history, there is this overview:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4695779/
As for some of the questions you've raised.... Marriage is, at its heart, the basis of the family unit, and thus the building block of society. Not all married couples have children, and not all children are raised by their biological parents. But one of the main purposes of marriage (from the point of view of a society) is to provide a stable environment for the rearing of children. Now, in our own society, gay couples can be together without being married (just as straight couples can), and many couples (both married and unmarried, gay and straight) participate in childrearing. Many gay couples have children because one or both of the partners has children from a previous relationship, and of course gay couples can adopt, and many have been quite generous in their willingness to adopt children with disabilities who are in need of a great deal of care. One can certainly make the argument (and in fact, the argument was made before the US Supreme Court when gay marriage was legalized) that recognizing marriages between same-sex couples contributes to providing stable homes for children in our nation.
It is more difficult to translate this argument to elvish culture. Elves do not have serial relationships (with the exception of Finwë). Thus, no elf would have children from a prior relationship. If an elf were in a homosexual relationship, that would be their first and only relationship. So, any such relationship would automatically mean no children for those individuals. Now, could they adopt and raise others' children? Certainly, in war time, there would be orphans, so that is something that could happen. Annael raises Tuor, whose parents both died in his infancy. We never hear that Annael had a wife, do we? My comment about 'more appropriate in a post-apocalyptic cultural break down situation' had to do with the fluidity of relationships rather than the permanence of marriage. Storylines in which couples get together and break up frequently, in part fueled by the high death rate of difficult circumstances, are stories in which marriage doesn't have a lot of meaning. Survival requires making and breaking bonds as necessary. Even in a culture which does recognize marriage as rather important, such a disaster bends the rules. A lot. Thus, teenaged Margery Tyrell was on her third marriage in Game of Thrones and had yet to consummate any of them, because despite being married to the king of Westeros, her third husband was just a child. Elves...obviously wouldn't do that.
Obviously plenty of people get married and never have or raise kids. I'm not suggesting that marriages don't count if there's no kids. What I am saying is that a society's understanding of marriage tends to be strongly tied to that society's understanding of childrearing. And so...what impetus would an elvish society have for recognizing a homosexual union? Sure, if it happens, and they are surprised, they could take it in stride. But...we're talking about a very stable culture for which nothing changes for a large chunk of time. They would methodically debate the issue and reach some understanding of what that marriage means for them. And so...what would their conclusion be? And it would have to be consistent with their strict understandings of monogamy, as well as marital fidelity and perpetuity. I wasn't suggesting that they can't accept it, but rather that it is possible that they wouldn't. The idea of denying yourself something that is unlawful would probably seem perfectly fair to the elves.
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