Script Discussion: S02E02 (and other things) rewrite

Nicholas Palazzo

Well-Known Member
Ok, so I'm going to be out on vacation with my wife (our first ever) this coming weekend, so I will not be hosting a session at this time. If someone wishes to do so, they are more welcome to, but I have one scheduled for the following weekend on 11/12 (11/13 for those on the other side of the IDL). At that point, I intend to host a session weekly until we are caught up.


The current link for the rewrite session stream is...

 
Enjoy your vacation! I'll change the 'schedule' link to reflect Rewrite session next, then back to future episodes (starting with the Trial).

Will you be hosting a session on Saturday evening of Thanksgiving weekend (Nov. 26th?)
 
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Ugh. Why do you have to be so on top of stuff. Well, I honestly can most likely. The co-hosts will be doing episode 10 the week before and 11 the week after, which would catch us up at episode 11. If enough people will have difficulty making it, I can push it back, and we'll be caught up just in time for Christmas. :)
 
It's sorta my job on this project :p I'll let you decide later, not when you're trying to get ready for a trip. I personally would have to bow out that weekend, most likely, but I realize it's likely not a big deal for those outside the US. And who knows, if my family isn't doing anything, I'll be available...I just suspect that I will have other obligations that day.
 
I normally wouldn't be available either, but we're hosting Thanksgiving this year and everyone's leaving either that day or the day after. That Saturday is just another work day for me, so...
 
Okay, so, things we need to talk about tonight:

1) Redo Episode 2
2) Incorporate the Frame into the episodes we've already done.
3) Take care of any consequences resulting from our 'new' episode 2 in later episodes.
4) Indulge in a bit of discussion of Noldor culture in Valinor? HEhe, or whatever other people feel we need to talk about.
 
Outline: S2E2 Rewrite: Starlight - it's an elvish thing

Protagonist: Varda
Conflict: Do the elves belong in Middle Earth or in Valinor?

Teaser
1. (Up to 4 pages)
Frame: Arwen is preparing/dressing, with her confidant [?name]. It is on the eve of an Elvish festival celebrating starlight and she shares her anticipation and excitement for the festival to come, happy to share one last one together with [friend]. During a formal ceremony, Galadriel gives Arwen a starry cloak. Arwen gives Galadriel a tapestry she made showing Varda making the stars. A courtier remarks on the strangeness of the imagery. Galadriel and Arwen share an informal moment, where Galadriel reminds Arwen that Varda is not well-known in Lothlorien. Arwen understands that, and mentions that she doesn't know the Valar any better than the elves of Lothlorien, even if she is considered a High Elf herself. She asks Galadriel what Varda is like?

Act One
2. (4 pages)
The debate of the Valar in the ruined throne room of Utumno. Oromë and Yavanna return from battle, and Oromë warns that the elves are in grave danger in Middle Earth. He urges the others to bring the elves to Valinor for safety. Tulkas downplays the danger, suggesting that surely the elves can handle themselves against whatever is left of Morgoth's beasts? Ulmo says that their place is in Middle Earth. Aulë begins talking about how wonderful it will be to invite the elves to be with them in Valinor, and how they can teach them everything. Irmo[Lorien] supports that idea, but Oromë warns that the elves might be frightened of the Valar, so perhaps just a few at first? Manwë agrees with this, and asks Oromë to invite some of the Children to visit Valinor. Námo[Mandos]: "So it is doomed." Varda looks up sadly at the stars (visible through the ruined roof), but says nothing.

3. (4 pages)
Oromë greets Ingwë, Finwë and Elwë on the shore of Cuiviénen (picking up where Episode 1 left off). He introduces himself as one of the Valar, and speaks to them of his homeland in the West (Valinor). He is invited into the Quendi settlement, but there is still significant fear. Several children try to approach him and are restrained by their parents, admonishing them to stay away from the glowing giant. Finwë, Míriel and Elwë discuss the arrival of Oromë. Elwë has come round to Oromë, Míriel expresses some concerns about the unknown, and Finwë is undecided/neutral. Can Oromë be trusted and taken at his word? Oromë extends the invitation, and those who are most uncertain put forward Ingwë, Finwë and Elwë as the ones who spoke to Oromë and invited him in. It seems clear that these people are happy to get ride of Oromë and the elves who wanted to meet him.

4. First plot point (4 pages)
Ulmo approaches Varda, and warns her that Manwë has made the wrong decision. Someone needs to talk to him, or there will be consequences! Varda explains that she shares Ulmo's concerns, and was going to discuss this with Manwë. It is uncertain what Ulmo will do if the Valar do not change their minds - is he going to be the next antagonist, with Melkor out of the way?

Act Two
5. (4 pages)
Back at Cuiviénen, the ambassadors prepare to leave for Valinor. Ingwë says goodbye to his daughter Indis. Elwë says goodbye to his brother Olwë and many of their people. Míriel and Finwë say farewell to one another, putting their life together on hold once again.

6. First pinch point (4 pages)
Back in Valinor, the Valar are discussing the imminent visit of the Children. Yavanna expresses a desire to go to Middle Earth to be with them rather than inviting the elves to come here. Aulë points out that then the elves would never see the Trees. Varda listens to their conversation with concern. It becomes clear that while the Valar can move back and forth, the elves will have to choose, as the journey is long and difficult. Varda recognizes that if the elves come to Valinor, they will not be under starlight any more, but her starlight was made for the elves.

7. (4 pages)
The Ambassadors arrive in Valinor and meet with the Valar. Cast shot. Vairë touches Námo's arm, leaving. As she goes, she shares a meaningful look with Finwë who is unnerved by her.
Walking through Valmar. Ingwë is attentive to everything the Valar say. Elwë is excited, looking through every window and door. Finwë is withdrawn, not quite certain what to make of this place.

*UNDER CONSTRUCTION*

[Ingwë is with Nienna, who grieves with him for the loss
of his wife (Indis's mother). She takes him to Estë who
gives him rest and peace for his bereavement.]
In Lórien. Finwë stands in the glade where Míriel will be
passed out after birthing Fëanor. [? needs more content.]
Back at Cuiviénen, Míriel is getting on with life without
Finwë; however, the Dark Hunter has returned and is taking
people again.
Brief scene of Vairë spinning some thread and laying out
her weaving tools.
[?]

8. Midpoint (4 pages)
At the Two Trees. Ingwë and Elwë argue with Finwë. Ingwë:
it would be ungrateful/immoral for us to not come and be
with the Valar in this amazing place they have made for
us. Elwë, "you see the glowing trees, right?" Wouldn't it
be wonderful to live in the land of light, not darkness.
Finwë restates Míriel's case that the Quendi would be
living under the Valar, that they have been fine so far
and that they are meant to be out in the world.
Watching this argument at a distance, Vána expresses that
she agrees with Finwë to Yavanna. Yavanna, who still
habours some doubts about inviting the Quendi to Valinor,
suggests she kind of agrees.

Act Three
9. (4 pages)
[Finwë and Elwë discuss what they miss about Cuiviénen
(Finwë misses Míriel, but a more general discussion of
homesickness in a foreign land), and it is remarked that
for all the wonders of Valinor, you cannot see the stars
here.]
[Ingwë with Manwë and Varda.]

10. Second pinch point (4 pages.)
[Ingwë and Elwë are having a jolly time with Tulkas.
Nessa goads Finwë into dancing and enjoying himself.]
Back at Cuiviénen, Morwë is telling stories to some Quendi
children as Míriel watches. He tells them about Oromë's
arrival, hinting that he was the Dark Hunter and how he
took away Ingwë, Finwë and Elwë, "...and they were never
seen again." Míriel angrily shouts at him to not tell that
story and that "they're coming back!" She storms off.

Brief time-lapse scene of Vairë beginning to weave a
tapestry.

11. (4 pages)
[Melian, Aiwendel (Radagast) and Olórin (Gandalf) discuss
a longing for the lands of Middle-earth. Melian decides to
go there, and Aiwendel agrees with her but decides to stay
in Valinor (too timid?) Olórin doesn't know what they are
on about, and is eager to meet the Children who will soon
be coming to Valinor. Elwë catches sight of Melian from
afar, but they do not meet or speak to one another (she is
gone before he can approach).]

Finwë making stuff with Aulë. Aulë talks about the
knowledge and craft he wants to teach the Quendi and makes
his case for why the Quendi should come to Valinor.

12. Second plot point (4 pages)
Finwë asks about the war of the powers. In the Courtyard
of the Halls of Mandos
, Aulë explains about the war and
Melkor, and that Melkor ischained inside.
Finwë is convinced by Aulë that they should come to
Valinor, but does not think he will be able to convince
Míriel. [Finwë will echo Aulë's words in the episode 3
debate.] Walking through the Courtyard, Finwë sees Vairë
hanging a new Tapestry - it depicts him and Míriel holding
a baby together in Lorien. Finwë is happy to see this image,
but Vairë's face betrays sorrow (he misses that.)


Act Four
13. (4 pages)

14. Climax 1 (4 pages)
The ambassadors are preparing to return to Cuiviénen; gift-giving.
15. Climax 2 (4 pages)
Varda speaks with Ingwë. He is a bit overwhelmed by his experience thus far, and only haltingly is able to explain himself. He resorts to song to get his point across, and sings of starlight, the Two Trees...and of meeting Varda. She understands that he has found a new home in Valinor, and will never forget his home at Cuiviénen, so is at peace with the decision to bring the elves to Valinor.

Dénouement
16. (Up to 4 pages)
At Cuiviénen, Míriel is going about her life. There is the sound of hoofbeats and there is panic. Three glowing riders emerge from the forest. Míriel realises the ambassadors have returned. The ambassadors are laden with swag from Valinor. She and Finwë run to each other and embrace.
Frame: Galadriel and Arwen discuss.....

Aulë is for - he wants learners. Oromë is for - he
wants to remove the Quendi to safety. Irmo is for - he is
geographically situated in Aman, and wishes to invite the
Quendi to partake in Lórien. Ulmo is against - his
thoughts are for Middle-earth first. Vána is against -
Valinor has not been built with the Quendi in mind.
Yavanna against at first, until [Someone] points out they
would have to leave the Two Trees which would break her
heart. Manwë and Varda listen to the cases both for and
against before deciding that ambassadors should be brought
to allow the Quendi to make their own decision.
 
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Thanks, MithLuin. This was a tough rewrite.
In lieu of notes, I'm going to try go through this whole thing in an attempt to tighten it up. This isn't a criticism, just don't want to add any confusion.


Outline: S2E2 Rewrite: Starlight - it's an elvish thing

Protagonist: Varda
Conflict: Do the elves belong in Middle Earth or in Valinor?

Teaser
1. (Up to 4 pages)
Frame: Arwen is preparing/dressing, with her confidant [?name]. It is on the eve of an Elvish festival celebrating starlight and she shares her anticipation and excitement for the festival to come, happy to share one last one together with [friend]. During a formal ceremony, Galadriel gives Arwen a starry cloak. Arwen gives Galadriel a tapestry she made showing Varda making the stars. A courtier remarks on the strangeness of the imagery. Galadriel and Arwen share an informal moment, where Galadriel reminds Arwen that Varda is not well-known in Lothlorien. Arwen understands that, and mentions that she doesn't know the Valar any better than the elves of Lothlorien, even if she is considered a High Elf herself. She asks Galadriel what Varda is like?

Act One
2. (4 pages)
The debate of the Valar in the ruined throne room of Utumno. Oromë and Yavanna return from battle, and Oromë warns that the elves are in grave danger in Middle Earth. He urges the others to bring the elves to Valinor for safety. Tulkas downplays the danger, suggesting that surely the elves can handle themselves against whatever is left of Morgoth's beasts? Ulmo says that their place is in Middle Earth. Aulë begins talking about how wonderful it will be to invite the elves to be with them in Valinor, and how they can teach them everything. Irmo[Lorien] supports that idea, but Oromë warns that the elves might be frightened of the Valar, so perhaps just a few at first? Manwë agrees with this, and asks Oromë to invite some of the Children to visit Valinor. Námo[Mandos]: "So it is doomed." Varda looks up sadly at the stars (visible through the ruined roof), but says nothing.

3. (4 pages)
Oromë greets Ingwë, Finwë and Elwë on the shore of Cuiviénen (picking up where Episode 1 left off). He introduces himself as one of the Valar, and speaks to them of his homeland in the West (Valinor). He is invited into the Quendi settlement, but there is still significant fear. Several children try to approach him and are restrained by their parents, admonishing them to stay away from the glowing giant. Finwë, Míriel and Elwë discuss the arrival of Oromë. Elwë has come round to Oromë, Míriel expresses some concerns about the unknown, and Finwë is undecided/neutral. Can Oromë be trusted and taken at his word? Oromë extends the invitation, and those who are most uncertain put forward Ingwë, Finwë and Elwë as the ones who spoke to Oromë and invited him in. It seems clear that these people are happy to get rid of Oromë and the elves who wanted to meet him.

4. First plot point (4 pages)
Ulmo approaches Varda, and warns her that Manwë has made the wrong decision. Someone needs to talk to him, or there will be consequences! Varda explains that she shares Ulmo's concerns, and was going to discuss this with Manwë. It is uncertain what Ulmo will do if the Valar do not change their minds - is he going to be the next antagonist, with Melkor out of the way?

Act Two
5. (4 pages)
Back at Cuiviénen, the ambassadors prepare to leave for Valinor. Ingwë says goodbye to his daughter Indis. Elwë says goodbye to his brother Olwë and many of their people. Míriel and Finwë say farewell to one another, putting their life together on hold once again.

6. First pinch point (4 pages)
Back in Valinor, the Valar are discussing the imminent visit of the Children. Yavanna expresses a desire to go to Middle Earth to be with them rather than inviting the elves to come here. Aulë points out that then the elves would never see the Trees. It becomes clear that while the Valar can move back and forth, the elves will have to choose, as the journey is long and difficult.

7. (4 pages)
The Ambassadors arrive in Valinor and meet with the Valar. Cast shot. Vairë touches Námo's arm, leaving. As she goes, she shares a meaningful look with Finwë who is unnerved by her.
Walking through Valmar. Ingwë is attentive to everything the Valar say. Elwë is excited, looking through every window and door. Finwë is withdrawn, not quite certain what to make of this place.

*UNDER CONSTRUCTION*

[Ingwë is with Nienna, who grieves with him for the loss
of his wife (Indis's mother). She takes him to Estë who
gives him rest and peace for his bereavement.]
In Lórien. Finwë stands in the glade where Míriel will be
passed out after birthing Fëanor. [? needs more content.]
[Melian, Aiwendel (Radagast) and Olórin (Gandalf) discuss
a longing for the lands of Middle-earth. Melian decides to
go there, and Aiwendel agrees with her but decides to stay
in Valinor (too timid?) Olórin doesn't know what they are
on about, and is eager to meet the Children who will soon
be coming to Valinor. Elwë catches sight of Melian from
afar, but they do not meet or speak to one another (she is
gone before he can approach).] - Moved from Act 3

[Miriel in Cuivenin scene removed]

Brief scene of Vairë spinning some thread and laying out
her weaving tools.
[?]

8. Midpoint (4 pages)
At the Two Trees. Ingwë and Elwë argue with Finwë. Ingwë:
it would be ungrateful/immoral for us to not come and be
with the Valar in this amazing place they have made for
us. Elwë, "you see the glowing trees, right?" Wouldn't it
be wonderful to live in the land of light, not darkness.
Finwë restates Míriel's case that the Quendi would be
living under the Valar, that they have been fine so far
and that they are meant to be out in the world.
Watching this argument at a distance, Vána expresses that
she agrees with Finwë to Yavanna. Yavanna, who still
habours some doubts about inviting the Quendi to Valinor,
suggests she kind of agrees.

Act Three
9. (4 pages) [This feels like a much more natural pinch point]
[Finwë and Elwë discuss what they miss about Cuiviénen
(Finwë misses Míriel, but a more general discussion of
homesickness in a foreign land), and it is remarked that
for all the wonders of Valinor, you cannot see the stars
here.]
[Ingwë with Manwë and Varda.]

10. Second pinch point (4 pages.)
[Ingwë and Elwë are having a jolly time with Tulkas.
Nessa goads Finwë into dancing and enjoying himself.]
Back at Cuiviénen, Morwë is telling stories to some Quendi
children as Míriel watches. He tells them about Oromë's
arrival, hinting that he was the Dark Hunter and how he
took away Ingwë, Finwë and Elwë, "...and they were never
seen again." Míriel angrily shouts at him to not tell that
story and that "they're coming back!" She storms off.

[Lorien scene removed and placed in Act 2]


Brief time-lapse scene of Vairë beginning to weave a
tapestry.

11. (4 pages)
Finwë making stuff with Aulë. Aulë talks about the
knowledge and craft he wants to teach the Quendi and makes
his case for why the Quendi should come to Valinor.

12. Second plot point (4 pages)
Finwë asks about the war of the powers. In the Courtyard
of the Halls of Mandos
, Aulë explains about the war and
Melkor, and that Melkor is chained inside.
Finwë is convinced by Aulë that they should come to
Valinor, but does not think he will be able to convince
Míriel. [Finwë will echo Aulë's words in the episode 3
debate.] Walking through the Courtyard, Finwë sees Vairë
hanging a new Tapestry - it depicts him and Míriel holding
a baby together in Lorien. Finwë is happy to see this image,
but Vairë's face betrays sorrow (he misses that.)

[Added, as the plot point needs to advance the main plot]
Varda speaks with Manwe, as she promised Ulmo she would do. Manwe asked if she has spoken to the elves, to which she replies that she has listened to everything they have said. He chides her gently, asking if she has spoken to the elves, which she confesses she has not.


Act Four
13. (4 pages)

14. Climax 1 (4 pages)
The ambassadors are preparing to return to Cuiviénen; gift-giving.
15. Climax 2 (4 pages)
Varda speaks with Ingwë. He is a bit overwhelmed by his experience thus far, and only haltingly is able to explain himself. He resorts to song to get his point across, and sings of starlight, the Two Trees...and of meeting Varda. She understands that he has found a new home in Valinor, and will never forget his home at Cuiviénen, so is at peace with the decision to bring the elves to Valinor. [I would switch these two, as the gift-giving is not really a climax, but more properly part of the denouement or tag of the episode.]

Dénouement
16. (Up to 4 pages)
At Cuiviénen, Míriel is going about her life. There is the sound of hoofbeats and there is panic. Three glowing riders emerge from the forest. Míriel realises the ambassadors have returned. The ambassadors are laden with swag from Valinor. She and Finwë run to each other and embrace.
Frame: Galadriel and Arwen discuss.....
 
Thanks, Nick! I only took the rewrite as far as Act 2, and will update it after you get the rest of the discussion up. Sorry for leaving the 'Under Construction' part up (I know it is messy and confusing), but I didn't want to lose anything we might want to keep there.

A plot - Varda trying to understand where elves belong.
B plot - The Ambassadors trying to figure out where elves belong.
C plot - The elves of Cuiviénen trying to figure out where elves belong (with the caveat that they only know Cuiviénen).

Frame - Arwen trying to figure out where the elves belong, and who Varda is.
 
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Yeah, I'll be getting more up tonight when I go home. It's been slow at work and I really need to focus on finding as many people as possible to talk to. Not getting paid isn't good.
 
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