Feedback from Session 5-24: Twitch video
Aspects of the Second Draft Script Corey Olsen approved:
Opening with the sortie in which Haldad and Haldar are killed.
Conversations between Haleth and her father (opening scene, dance)
Aredhel/Eöl scenes - correct balance of revealing Eöl's motives to the audience without alerting Aredhel to his deception; 'sufficiently subtle' red flags.
It is...okay...that the dogs vanish during the siege.
Contrast between the rough/hard life of the Haladin, with the lavish and entitled lifestyle of Caranthir.
Aspects of the Second Draft Script Corey Olsen requested edits to:
Please stitch together the flashback and the siege timelines.
Explain why Sauron's goal shifted at the end, and explain why the orcs targeted the Stockade in the final conversation between Boldog and Sauron
Add a conversation after Haleth defies Sauron in which the Men discuss how they must prepare for a coming attack - constant vigilance! They have learned their lesson and are psychologically prepared for an attack. (After Boldog falls from wall)
Make Bril Haldar's wife (character compression among the Haladin in general is not a bad idea)
Caranthir needs to be more of his condescending jerk self during his conversation with Haleth, so it is abundantly clear why she turns him down.
Suggestions:
He dismisses the stockade as a poor attempt at defenses
Makes a comment about how they are 'almost' like elves/ pat on the head
He expresses a proprietary relationship of liegelord/vassal, and being patronizing - they are under his protection, but he doesn't need their help
Caranthir's natural sneer/cockiness/boastfulness should be visible