Script Discussion: S06E02

By the by, folks, if someone is interested in taking a crack at writing this thing, do send me a PM sometime between now and Friday. That is all.
 
Yeah same, i can help with beta-reading, or if someone needs help with a scene or sth, but for the whole ep 2 my availability is rather bad
 
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For those who offered assistance with beta reading and critique, here is your opportunity!

First draft of Episode 2:


A few things to note. This does not follow the outline perfectly. Some things have been shifted around. And some scenes are very short/choppy. If I'm being perfectly honest, I hate parts of this. So, if you have a chance to read this, and anything jumps out at you as just being really terrible, please - highlight that and let me know! I don't know if we'll have the opportunity to proof read and edit this before next week's podcast, but we shall see how this goes!

Here is (again) the link to the outline, where I have commented showing changes I propose. We (obviously!) don't have to keep the proposed changes - see if they work, or if I should rewrite to be more in line with the original outline. Please help me remember to include anything I have forgotten.

Hands down the absolute hardest part of this was writing the betrayal of Gorlim. I didn't want him to betray the outlaws. He didn't want to betray the outlaws. And it was a complete bear to write his plight as at least somewhat sympathetic rather than simply weak and stupid. I probably didn't deliver on the 'put cruelly to death' part yet either. But at least, finally, it got done.

The Frame scenes have not yet been added. This episode will be Arwen and Galadriel in Lothlórien.



And, for anyone curious, my writing soundtrack for this:


Ambient sounds - fire and wolves
https://caves.ambient-mixer.com/tropical-waterfall-caves

Ambient sounds - horses
https://christmas.ambient-mixer.com/sleigh-ride

String Quartet Tribute to AFI

George Winston plays the Doors

Bamboo flute + harp

Howard Shore (of course!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiD4vQjsfnY
 
Also, we will need the names of 5 people who are of the House of Bëor, living in Dorthonion. Parents and three children. (p. 32 of the script)

Any suggestions?
 
Okay, I am going for "Erastan son of Artan, his wife Romin, and their children Arthad, Ruimen, and Endrith."

(It's an inscription for a dead family, but it needs to be read aloud, so I might wind up translating the entire passage into Sindarin at some point.)

The last resting place of Erastan son of Artan, his wife Romin, and their children Arthad, Ruimen, and Endrith. We were people of Ladros. May these hills guard our bones until the world changes.​
 
Attached is the version of the script that will be sent along to the Exec team for Thursday's SilmFilm broadcast.

I want to take the time to thank everyone who has contributed to the editing process. This draft is much better than it would have been without your help! Haerangil, thank you for providing character names. Kathrin, thank you so much for keeping the focus on the Thuringwethil storyline and improving the focus of her portrayal in this episode. I really appreciated you dropping notes to let me know which scenes worked, and which were unclear or missing something. Nick, thank you for every attention to detail from diction to pacing to the arrangement of scenes. The timeskip montage before the introduction of Barahir's band and the flashbacks to the deaths of Barahir's band at the end are all you (And I know I still have work to do on the ending montage). Dillon, your suggestions led (eventually) to a meaningful inclusion of Gorgol the Butcher in this episode ;) . I have not yet managed to work in an ambiguous Disney princess moment with Beren and the wild animals of Dorthonion, but I think I did find space for one, and will do my best to set up what you need for Episode 3!

This project truly is a group effort, and I feel much better about this script than I did one week ago. I am also VERY glad that I will not be writing the next two episodes, and look forward to shifting back into editing mode from writing mode!
 

Attachments

  • SFP S06E02 Script (1).pdf
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Comments from the podcast:. More Thuringwethil!!

Make the tension over both Sauron and Thuringwethil wanting to use the well of souls more explicit in scene 2.​
Maybe light from well of souls reflects in Sauron's eyes in their final scene together.​
Thuringwethil, conquest of Dorthonion​
- more before and after​
- resounding win​
See Thuringwethil leave Tol Sirion with wolves and orcs​
Gorgol should appear before the attack on the outlaws​
Outlaws take an orc captive (name of Thû) or find a dead vampire bat​
Add Thuringwethil reference to unsuccessful hunt conversation​
Gorlim story​
Thuringwethil's unseelie court waiting for Gorlim at the top of the cliff​
Subtle use of Thuringwethil using vampiric voice to lean on him​
Gorlim is 'put cruelly to death' - very Maes Hughes death at the hands of Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist vibe: Thuringwethil gloats over his bleeding out body, taunting him while looking like Eilinel​
Death of Maes Hughes:

 
Comments from the podcast:. More Thuringwethil!!

Make the tension over both Sauron and Thuringwethil wanting to use the well of souls more explicit in scene 2.​
Maybe light from well of souls reflects in Sauron's eyes in their final scene together.​
Thuringwethil, conquest of Dorthonion​
- more before and after​
- resounding win​
See Thuringwethil leave Tol Sirion with wolves and orcs​
Gorgol should appear before the attack on the outlaws​
Outlaws take an orc captive (name of Thû) or find a dead vampire bat​
Add Thuringwethil reference to unsuccessful hunt conversation​
Gorlim story​
Thuringwethil's unseelie court waiting for Gorlim at the top of the cliff​
Subtle use of Thuringwethil using vampiric voice to lean on him​
Gorlim is 'put cruelly to death' - very Maes Hughes death at the hands of Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist vibe: Thuringwethil gloats over his bleeding out body, taunting him while looking like Eilinel​
Death of Maes Hughes:


It occurred to me today that she might sing Gorlim some sort of taunting parody of a lullaby as Eilinel while he lay dying. Sounds particularly awful.
 
Comments from the podcast:. More Thuringwethil!!

Make the tension over both Sauron and Thuringwethil wanting to use the well of souls more explicit in scene 2.​
Maybe light from well of souls reflects in Sauron's eyes in their final scene together.​
Thuringwethil, conquest of Dorthonion​
- more before and after​
- resounding win​
See Thuringwethil leave Tol Sirion with wolves and orcs​
Gorgol should appear before the attack on the outlaws​

If we have time to show Thuringwethil arriving at Gorgol's headquaters entering those in "full businesswoman mode" and then a report comes in that some orcs have been abushed - Gorgol is like "again, it always happens at that spot" and she just listens up and asks if there are several spots where orcs get ambushed regularly - and after having that confirmed commands those places to be cleared of all trees and bolders and leveled to the ground twice the radius of an arrow flight, then she sees an orc wanting to feed the fire with some old elvish looking scrolls which she takes and finds a dirtied map of Dothonion among them which she fixes to the wall and notices that Ladros is feautured with roads and villages and clearly marked as improtant on this map and that does her make a thoughfull face - and the next scene with her we see her in Ladros... Then she does not have to shout at Gorgol for us to see the difference in strategy.
 
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Oh, and for anyone who was listening to my frustrated ranting about the bridges as indicated on the Map of Beleriand, here's the issue:

1682265575549.png

Arossiach = "Ford of Aros" in Sindarin, so that is definitely meant to be a ford, not a bridge.
Brithiach = "Ford of Gravel" in Sindarin, downstream of the Dry River, the last safe river crossing of Sirion before the bridge in Doriath.

Likewise, Iant Iaur means "Old Bridge", so that definitely indicates...a bridge. As you can see, all three are indicated on the map by a 'break' in the river, despite two being fords and one being a bridge.

So, the road south of Tol Sirion crosses the (unnamed?) second tributary of the River Sirion. Is it a ford? Is it a bridge? The map does not show a break, but that does not tell us much.

We have decided that it is a stone bridge, built by Finrod for ease of travel between Nargothrond and Tol Sirion. It will be destroyed in this episode, so going forward, that crossing will be a ford, not a bridge.

Remember this discussion? There's an unnamed river on this map, and it happened to be a location in Season 6. And so, it would be really convenient if we could have a name for the second tributary of Sirion coming down from the mountains of Ered Wethrin.

Well, it turns out, Tolkien DID name it! (No surprise there)

1682265148820.png

It is called the Lithir, or "Ash River," and according to Tolkien Gateway, can be described as follows:
"The Lithir River was a tributary of the Sirion in Beleriand in the First Age. Its source was in the Ered Wethrin south of Mithrim. It flowed southeast until it raced over falls and joined the Sirion about halfway between Tol Sirion and the Dry River."

I have added this name to the Episode 2 script document.
 
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