Errantry Anew - Casual

Discussion in 'Peer Review Workshop' started by JJ48, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. JJ48

    JJ48 Member

    I came up with this during one of the History of Middle Earth classes. I'd like to hear if anyone has any feedback on what can be improved, either in the poem itself or just generally in future attempts.

    Errantry Anew
    There was a merry Professor
    A possessor of Tolkien lore
    Who dreamt of classes held online
    To meld the minds of all and more.

    He built a university
    Diversity in lit to teach,
    With classes there in Fantasy,
    In Mystery, and Ancient Speech!

    He held a free class Wednesday nights,
    The bending light of science fics
    Or strange and wonderous fairy tales,
    Were merry tales; delightful picks!

    The class was started late at night
    (The slated time not TOO far gone)
    The students talked of this and that
    In class and chat; a two-for-one!

    The chat was filled with revelry,
    With ribaldry and hobbitry
    And those assembled joined a game
    With points to gain for all to see!

    The Professor queries addressed,
    (Though quickly lest they fall behind)
    Yet still more jokes (a lot of these)
    Were wrought to tease his brilliant mind.

    On tangents went he far afield,
    For starry shield of Gil-galad
    And Elendil were pondered on,
    And comments on the Hill they had.

    He taught them much of Gondolin,
    Of goblin skin and Hobbit kin,
    And talked he of those narrow mounds:
    The Barrow-downs of Cardolan!

    But would not teach them sigaldry
    Or sorcery, "For naught but e-
    -Vil comes of these!" he warned them all,
    But darn them all! They would not heed!

    He taught until the moon was gone
    With two slides done (of eighty-three),
    And talked about the stitchings of
    The Witch-kings gloves and mighty knee!

    The chat more questions pressed on him,
    Impressing him with insight great.
    And as the fifth hour ticked away
    He clicked his way just past slide eight.

    He'd have to save the pending slides,
    For ending time had rather passed.
    With nine slides down, while not too bad,
    He'd have to add another class...
     
  2. Sparrow

    Sparrow Hestia of the Hearth

    Delicious!! Applause! A little morning poetry has brightened my day :)

    I am a wicked sucker for a perfect, Dr-Seussian meter - I wonder if your strong but flexing meter is meant to keep me off balance? As JRRT himself did now and then? Or would you be willing to consider taking a scalpel to some of those extra syllables?

    "revelry,
    With ribaldry and hobbitry"

    OMSQ, Twenty points to Gryffindor. Perfect words.
     
  3. JJ48

    JJ48 Member

    The meter was intended to be regular, although I sometimes may have messed with a word's pronunciation (such as "Professor" tending to be stressed on the first syllable). Also, "wonderous" should probably actually be "wondrous", as I intended it to be two syllables.

    Are there any particular lines that jump out for revision? I can't hear any with my own ear, but that's likely just because my ears are hearing precisely what they think I want to hear.

    Thanks for the feedback so far!
     
    Sparrow likes this.
  4. Sparrow

    Sparrow Hestia of the Hearth

    Ah-ha!

    Perhaps a little accent mark over Prófessor and pósessor would help me shift my listening ear :)
    Second stanza, perfect.
    I agree with "wondrous"
    ...
    "The Professor queries addressed," - that line killed me and slung me right into Limerick meter...

    and now, since you coached me on that first "Prófessor", I was able to read everything else properly!
     

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