Hi again!
I am almost done with the podcasts for season 3 (listening to 3-24 right now) and read this script a few days ago. I plan to be all the way caught up before the next review session, but I'm not sure it'll happen.
Outside of a few things that jarred me, due to being waaay behind, and jumping in at episode 6 rather than the beginning, the story is really solid. I love the Twilwileth (?) twist.
I only have two true issues with the script, but it probably is something that runs through the series. One is more personal taste, while the other is a non-issue for this project.
A. The dialogue is a bit jarring in places. I don't recall if this was an overall stylistic decision, or something that was meant to differentiate the languages, but the "thees" and "thous" really distract me, personally. Again, that's more personal taste I suppose.
B. This is the one that's likely a non-issue for the project (but should be an issue if the writer wants to be a screenwriter). If you sent this to an agent or production company,three words you would see a lot in the feedback is "blocks of text." In both the dialogue and the action. A lot of readers will just stop reading a screenplay if they see that a quarter of the page is one paragraph of action or dialogue. I try to break my action up into what I think a shot would be on film. Monologues are good, but too many long sections of one person talking can be a real downer for a reader.
Overall, I do really enjoy it, and look forward to perhaps participating in the review session next time.